One Day My Mind Opened Up
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
How'd I Get Here
I guess I can finally tell the story of what has brought me to this page.
The Beginnings
This story begins in 2001, when I headed off from my home in Western PA to apparently seek my fortune in Harrisburg, PA. It looked as though I had basically a lifetime job as a Developer with the Commonwealth of PA.
But it wasn't to be, depending on who you ask there were either performance issues on my part or personality issues that led to feedback issues doomed me. In October 2001, I was fired.
Adrift and Alone
I was smart enough to see the bottom dropping out and battened the hatches. I set myself to finding a job and getting my skills back up to speed. I also applied for Unemployment.
The next nine months I was basically a hermit. I would leave my apartment only to shop, go to church, go to job interviews, and attend my martial arts class. There we cases where my car wouldn't move for a week at a time.
A Last Wish
In June of 2002, my Grandmother died at 91. As her health faded, I found myself dealing with the the stress of a job search that needed to accelerate as my Unemployment was running out and dealing with the fear of watching my Grandmother, who had always been a veritable dynamo, fade away. Her last wish for me was to find work.
When I returned from the funeral. There was a message on my machine from FedEx Ground. I had applied there a week or so before the funeral, and had forgotten about it in all the confusion. Soon a job with RGIS, a company that takes inventories of grocery and other stores.
Things looked better.
Life On The Edge
For the first few months, all seemed well. The two part-time jobs paid the bills and gave me some extra money. But in February of 2003, the bottom slowly fell out.
It started when my car died, I managed to get a loan through the Credit Union and a '99 Taurus. I thought I could make it, as the numbers seemed to work out.
But a slowdown at RGIS and falling into the "Credit Trap", led me into a plasma center. For about four months, I was basically living on the $45 a week I would get from donating my plasma. I looked like a skeleton. The money I earned from my jobs went to pay my bills and cover cash advances.
In May of 2003, I was ready to cash in my chips, pack up, and head back to Western PA.
An Angel In The Family
But help came from a likely but surprising source--my Aunt. She agreed to help me out a bit, but I had to help myself too. I had to submit a budget each month and make a few sacrifices. This lasted all of a month, as I soon got full-time work at FedEx Ground.
Learning From Mistakes
The last two years have not been perfect. I've had trouble with my taxes and needed to get another car, courtesy of a Neon. But I've managed to get through these little bumps. I guess being as close to the edge as I was gave me some knowledge and heart.
The World At My Command
In 2005, I came up with the idea of a "New Year's Revolution", basically a concerted effort to re-invent myself. Starting with a serious assault on getting my programming skills back up to par.
Earlier this month, I completed a simple JAVA applet to convert Farenheit to Celsius. Somehow, my mind convinced itself that maybe, just maybe, this could work. Like the title of this page, my mind did open up.
Now What?
I gotta keep the momentum going for one, and I believe I can. I've added some C++ work to my self-education, and see a world of possibility.
I don't know quite where all this will lead, but I know I need to follow it. I just know that. ¶ 8:28 AM
I guess I can finally tell the story of what has brought me to this page.
The Beginnings
This story begins in 2001, when I headed off from my home in Western PA to apparently seek my fortune in Harrisburg, PA. It looked as though I had basically a lifetime job as a Developer with the Commonwealth of PA.
But it wasn't to be, depending on who you ask there were either performance issues on my part or personality issues that led to feedback issues doomed me. In October 2001, I was fired.
Adrift and Alone
I was smart enough to see the bottom dropping out and battened the hatches. I set myself to finding a job and getting my skills back up to speed. I also applied for Unemployment.
The next nine months I was basically a hermit. I would leave my apartment only to shop, go to church, go to job interviews, and attend my martial arts class. There we cases where my car wouldn't move for a week at a time.
A Last Wish
In June of 2002, my Grandmother died at 91. As her health faded, I found myself dealing with the the stress of a job search that needed to accelerate as my Unemployment was running out and dealing with the fear of watching my Grandmother, who had always been a veritable dynamo, fade away. Her last wish for me was to find work.
When I returned from the funeral. There was a message on my machine from FedEx Ground. I had applied there a week or so before the funeral, and had forgotten about it in all the confusion. Soon a job with RGIS, a company that takes inventories of grocery and other stores.
Things looked better.
Life On The Edge
For the first few months, all seemed well. The two part-time jobs paid the bills and gave me some extra money. But in February of 2003, the bottom slowly fell out.
It started when my car died, I managed to get a loan through the Credit Union and a '99 Taurus. I thought I could make it, as the numbers seemed to work out.
But a slowdown at RGIS and falling into the "Credit Trap", led me into a plasma center. For about four months, I was basically living on the $45 a week I would get from donating my plasma. I looked like a skeleton. The money I earned from my jobs went to pay my bills and cover cash advances.
In May of 2003, I was ready to cash in my chips, pack up, and head back to Western PA.
An Angel In The Family
But help came from a likely but surprising source--my Aunt. She agreed to help me out a bit, but I had to help myself too. I had to submit a budget each month and make a few sacrifices. This lasted all of a month, as I soon got full-time work at FedEx Ground.
Learning From Mistakes
The last two years have not been perfect. I've had trouble with my taxes and needed to get another car, courtesy of a Neon. But I've managed to get through these little bumps. I guess being as close to the edge as I was gave me some knowledge and heart.
The World At My Command
In 2005, I came up with the idea of a "New Year's Revolution", basically a concerted effort to re-invent myself. Starting with a serious assault on getting my programming skills back up to par.
Earlier this month, I completed a simple JAVA applet to convert Farenheit to Celsius. Somehow, my mind convinced itself that maybe, just maybe, this could work. Like the title of this page, my mind did open up.
Now What?
I gotta keep the momentum going for one, and I believe I can. I've added some C++ work to my self-education, and see a world of possibility.
I don't know quite where all this will lead, but I know I need to follow it. I just know that. ¶ 8:28 AM
Monday, May 30, 2005
Blasts From The Past
My Aunt suggested I somehow save from posts from my "old 'blog" for posterity.
I figure that may be a good idea so here goes:
November 23, 2003
With my week occupied by work and other things. I bascially have to cram a lot into a weekend, especially Saturday. Here's a look at yesterday.
I got up at 7:00AM, took a shower, and headed off to do my grocery shopping.
After that I put what I had bought away and did a quick check of my e-mail, etc! I then headed off to my Aunt's to do my laundry.
Now you need to understand, I don't just do my laundry while I'm there. I; get lunch(Spaghetti and Meatballs, salad, and coffee and dessert), check my e-mail, go with my Aunt to look at a DVD/CD player and then go to look for a pedometer for my Aunt and a stationary bike trainer for me(those things are expensive!). Of course, we needed to calibrate the pedometer. Then off to church where I met an alumni of my Alma Mater! This whole routine is basically 8 hours, but it's fun. I pick up what I'm taking back with me (a few coffee cakes, cheese, computer paper, and some software), and head home.
The problem is that I'm still not done yet! I go home, do my system maintenance, fold my clothes and get ready to catch a show at a nearby eatery!
And what I show it was! The band, who I've seen before at arts fests sounded totally different in the kind of smaller venues that I see as the true spirit of music. They combined thier own originals with thier own spins on; The Police( Message In a Bottle), The Boss(Glory Days), U2(In The Name Of Love), Janis Joplin(Take Another Piece Of My Heart), who by the way the lead singer of the band sounds a bit like. At one point during the second set they went from Jimi Hendrix(Stadning Next To a Mountain), Alanis Morisette(You Oughta Know), to Ozzy Osbourne(Crazy Train) without missing a beat! The evening came full circle when the lead singer, after I had asked if a powerful version of Jefferson Airplane's White Rabbit that the band does was part of the next set, said that it was "For the man in the white shirt"(AKA: ME!)
I left soon after, went home, took a shower, and went to bed--at 1:30AM!
What a day, dontcha think!
February 29, 2004
I just want to warn you this post may be a bit--convoluted.
Taking advantage of a taste of spring, I rode my bike to the house where today's "cooking session" for the local Food Not Bombs was. It was nice to see people out and about, but the fact that I saw people in shorts and sandals makes me wonder if a lot of people have been numbed by the cold.
The cooking session went well. We took some chili we had made awhile back, cooked it down and added some rice to make burritos for an anti-death penalty rally. We also made a soup that basically was keep adding ingredients to it. For once I wasn't choppping vegetables; this time I had the chore of helping man the stove. The conversation was good as well; I think another reason I like doing this is the conversation.
On my way back I realized that I'm starting to live life again! With the FNB, my game, work and my aikido class, I'm really starting to fell and act alive. I think I understand Lent a bit more now; the idea of having to suffer before something great happens!
March 28, 2004
When I was a kid I loved to watch people work on thier cars. I was fortunate to be a kid when one could still fix one's car, before they became computers on wheels.
I guess I was fascinated with seeing what happens "under the hood". Well how about a look at what's going on a bit under my hood. A look at how my mind can work.
Among my many talents and interests is poetry, as Peace Over War shows. Well I have a new one rattling around in my head, on a theme that may seem a bit odd for someone who isn't even thirty yet--death.
I know what the base theme is at least, the idea of "the light" that is common to all Near Death Experiences. So I figure the first lines is going to have to do with the fact that every day I'm alive, I get closer to this light.
I also realize that the fact that my parents and aunt are all getting up in years a bit, they their getting closer than me to this light is probably why I'm pondering my own mortality. My Grandma passing away a little more than 18 months ago is probably also a factor as well. So this needs to be worked in.
But I've also learned to deal with when this light distracts me from more pressing matters; like living my life now! I basically take a breath and center myself in what I'm doing; this may fall under the "Taming The Beast" idea. This will probably be the third stanza.
I'm also taking steps to slow my path towards the light. I'm trying to keep in shape and being a bit more careful about what I eat. I realize that death is inevitable, but that doesn't mean I should sit and wait, necessarily.
But in the end, literally and poetically, I will merge with that light.
I told you my mind works in weird ways--didn't I!
The Poem
July 11, 2004
What a difference a year can make.
About a year ago I was as close to "Rock Bottom" as one can get. I wasn't even living paycheck to paycheck; more like donation to donation, as I was basically living off of the $45 a week I got for donating my plasma. What I earned at FedEx and RGIS was going to pay bills. Of course, my health was suffering as well. The plasma was probably draining my protein stores and one can't eat too well on $25 a week. I was making plans to pack it in and head back home.
Then things got better. One day my Aunt comes over with all sorts of food, a gift card for a local grocery store and another one for a gas station and a plan to get me back in order. I did need to make a few sacrifices (Aikido for one), and submit a budget for awhile, but I at least was on my way.
Soon things got even better. In August, I got full-time status at FedEx and managed to make arrangements at RGIS to work a few hours there around my job at FedEx. The changes thanks to this were immediately visible; I started to put weight on again, since I could now buy decent food and no longer needed to donate plasma. My attitude picked up as well, I actually was able to get into Christmas.
Now I still have a long way to go, I still want to find IT work. But I'm a long way from where I was.
November 14, 2004
I went on an unexpected, but not fully unplanned road trip yesterday.
My aunt, her friend and I had planned to go to visit my Brother, his Wife and their new Baby in Aliquippa, PA. Alas, my Brother's wife was not feeling well; it looked like I was gonna be stuck at home, maybe at least going up to visit my Aunt for lunch/dinner.
My aunt had a better idea, though, to head out to Washington DC. So at 5AM I got up, picked up batteries for my CD player and digital camera, and headed off to Lancaster PA. After a brief wait for her friend, we were off.
About two and a half hours later, with a stop for breakfast, we arrived in DC.
First stop, the National Museum of the American Indian. This newest addition to the Smithsonian complex is devoted to the preserving the history and culture of a people that we systematically eradicated and have left many of them trapped in utter despair. It was interesting to learn new facts, like how the Seminole tribe of Florida never signed a formal treaty with the US Government, and see how these proud people have still managed to survive and hold on to some inkling of thier culture.
From there, we split up. My aunts friend wished to see some other museums, but my Aunt and I wished to see the military monuments. A bit odd that someone like me so opposed to the current war would want to see memorials to soldiers. I think I do realize, at some level, that they died so I may have the right to dissent.
The new World War II memorial is well built. Basically a fountain ringed with pillars that represent each of the states and territories of the US at that time. I myself think that there should be a separate mini-monument to those Native Americans who chose to be warriors for the country that had so oppressed them. Also, the idea of people leaving stuff behind like, at the Vietnam Wall, seems to have begun.
The memorial to those killed in the forgotten Korean War seems to suggest an army advancing on an enemy. Very stark, very simple.
A case for the power of simplicity can be made for the Vietnam Veteran's Memorial. It looks like this sea of names, thousands of people, all of which who meant something to someone, listed. I can't help but think that this current war will need a memorial. Alas, this war may never end!
I do want to go back, I figure that once the novelty of NMAI wears off, things may be a bit slower. I want to see the Air and Space Museum, and see the Washington Monument.
I also may want to oddly enough see "Ground Zero", and when the Flight 93 memorial is done, see that.
December 27, 2004
Holidays at my house tend to be a bit--interesting. This Christmas was no exception.
For me the fun started the 23rd of this month. I got a card from an old college buddy and on a whim decided to see if I could use directory assistance to get a hold of him. The longshot worked and we spent a good 30 minutes catching up on each other.
The next day I was on my the road to home; with my computer-generated presents in tow. I left at about 8AM, and formally got "on the road" at 8:30. Making only a brief stop to grab a cup of coffee and an apple fritter, as well as a few quick stops to change up my book on tape, I arrived home at about 1:30PM.
And so the big day arrived. I was impressed at how well all my presents were received. I thought my younger sister who got the book of my poetry was going to cry. Of course, soon it looked like the entire family would be crying when my Aunt from Lancaster literally landed on our doorstep. She drove all morining to deliver us christmas goodies. My brother, his wife and their new baby arrived later and they too were impressed with my photo display. Later when my younger sister's twin arrived, fiance in tow, she was impressed with my Steelers collage.
My parents will be making good use of their box of photo albums, as they now have a way to keep all thier remotes straight, and my youngest sister sounds like my book I gave her on financial aid(the only present I really bought) will be making the rounds of the Senior class.
As for my take from all this, it's kinda thin for now. My one sister bought me Friday Night Lights, the book that the movie is based on, and a stuffed penguin that for now lives on my TV set. Her twin is in the same situation I'm in, a bit strapped for cash and plans on getting me a combined christmas/birthday gift.
Alas, I will not be getting my satellite radio. Al Fraken and crew will have to wait awhile longer to reach me. I will instead be getting the most recent version of the ageless Madden football franchise, a controller of some sort and perhaps some little gadget with my Circuit City gift card.
I also found myself having to read at Sunday church services. My dad was invited by my brother to attend the Steelers-Ravens football game. The Steelers did win, but at the cost of thier sensational rookie quarterback. Of course, since the victory wraps up home field and a first-round bye, it's not a big deal.
So I gotta say that this was a holiday for the books. All I need to do now is get the pictures edited.
May 1, 2005
I gotta get this out into the open a bit, as this hasn't happened to me in awhile.
I sat down tonight to watch my usual Sunday Evening (well when I don't need to work) programs. Well on of the programs concerned a guy who runs a kind of "Suicide Enabling" site and some bad memories came to the surface.
You see, I had a friend actually commit suicide. I also remember only finding out about it by reading his obituary in the local paper. I had wanted to go to the funeral, but overslept (I think my Mom intentionally forgot to wake me up).
I just cannot understand what force would get someone to believe that things could be so bad as to want to end one's life! I'll admit I've had inklings too. I even wrote a story that had someone trying.
I also feel a bit guilty about not doing more to help him. I saw the kid or his Dad almost every day at the grocery store I worked at. Had I had the nerve to get out and about a bit more maybe I'd have picked up on something being wrong and done something.
I just hope I don't find myself forever asking the question Why? ¶ 8:40 AM
My Aunt suggested I somehow save from posts from my "old 'blog" for posterity.
I figure that may be a good idea so here goes:
November 23, 2003
With my week occupied by work and other things. I bascially have to cram a lot into a weekend, especially Saturday. Here's a look at yesterday.
I got up at 7:00AM, took a shower, and headed off to do my grocery shopping.
After that I put what I had bought away and did a quick check of my e-mail, etc! I then headed off to my Aunt's to do my laundry.
Now you need to understand, I don't just do my laundry while I'm there. I; get lunch(Spaghetti and Meatballs, salad, and coffee and dessert), check my e-mail, go with my Aunt to look at a DVD/CD player and then go to look for a pedometer for my Aunt and a stationary bike trainer for me(those things are expensive!). Of course, we needed to calibrate the pedometer. Then off to church where I met an alumni of my Alma Mater! This whole routine is basically 8 hours, but it's fun. I pick up what I'm taking back with me (a few coffee cakes, cheese, computer paper, and some software), and head home.
The problem is that I'm still not done yet! I go home, do my system maintenance, fold my clothes and get ready to catch a show at a nearby eatery!
And what I show it was! The band, who I've seen before at arts fests sounded totally different in the kind of smaller venues that I see as the true spirit of music. They combined thier own originals with thier own spins on; The Police( Message In a Bottle), The Boss(Glory Days), U2(In The Name Of Love), Janis Joplin(Take Another Piece Of My Heart), who by the way the lead singer of the band sounds a bit like. At one point during the second set they went from Jimi Hendrix(Stadning Next To a Mountain), Alanis Morisette(You Oughta Know), to Ozzy Osbourne(Crazy Train) without missing a beat! The evening came full circle when the lead singer, after I had asked if a powerful version of Jefferson Airplane's White Rabbit that the band does was part of the next set, said that it was "For the man in the white shirt"(AKA: ME!)
I left soon after, went home, took a shower, and went to bed--at 1:30AM!
What a day, dontcha think!
February 29, 2004
I just want to warn you this post may be a bit--convoluted.
Taking advantage of a taste of spring, I rode my bike to the house where today's "cooking session" for the local Food Not Bombs was. It was nice to see people out and about, but the fact that I saw people in shorts and sandals makes me wonder if a lot of people have been numbed by the cold.
The cooking session went well. We took some chili we had made awhile back, cooked it down and added some rice to make burritos for an anti-death penalty rally. We also made a soup that basically was keep adding ingredients to it. For once I wasn't choppping vegetables; this time I had the chore of helping man the stove. The conversation was good as well; I think another reason I like doing this is the conversation.
On my way back I realized that I'm starting to live life again! With the FNB, my game, work and my aikido class, I'm really starting to fell and act alive. I think I understand Lent a bit more now; the idea of having to suffer before something great happens!
March 28, 2004
When I was a kid I loved to watch people work on thier cars. I was fortunate to be a kid when one could still fix one's car, before they became computers on wheels.
I guess I was fascinated with seeing what happens "under the hood". Well how about a look at what's going on a bit under my hood. A look at how my mind can work.
Among my many talents and interests is poetry, as Peace Over War shows. Well I have a new one rattling around in my head, on a theme that may seem a bit odd for someone who isn't even thirty yet--death.
I know what the base theme is at least, the idea of "the light" that is common to all Near Death Experiences. So I figure the first lines is going to have to do with the fact that every day I'm alive, I get closer to this light.
I also realize that the fact that my parents and aunt are all getting up in years a bit, they their getting closer than me to this light is probably why I'm pondering my own mortality. My Grandma passing away a little more than 18 months ago is probably also a factor as well. So this needs to be worked in.
But I've also learned to deal with when this light distracts me from more pressing matters; like living my life now! I basically take a breath and center myself in what I'm doing; this may fall under the "Taming The Beast" idea. This will probably be the third stanza.
I'm also taking steps to slow my path towards the light. I'm trying to keep in shape and being a bit more careful about what I eat. I realize that death is inevitable, but that doesn't mean I should sit and wait, necessarily.
But in the end, literally and poetically, I will merge with that light.
I told you my mind works in weird ways--didn't I!
The Poem
July 11, 2004
What a difference a year can make.
About a year ago I was as close to "Rock Bottom" as one can get. I wasn't even living paycheck to paycheck; more like donation to donation, as I was basically living off of the $45 a week I got for donating my plasma. What I earned at FedEx and RGIS was going to pay bills. Of course, my health was suffering as well. The plasma was probably draining my protein stores and one can't eat too well on $25 a week. I was making plans to pack it in and head back home.
Then things got better. One day my Aunt comes over with all sorts of food, a gift card for a local grocery store and another one for a gas station and a plan to get me back in order. I did need to make a few sacrifices (Aikido for one), and submit a budget for awhile, but I at least was on my way.
Soon things got even better. In August, I got full-time status at FedEx and managed to make arrangements at RGIS to work a few hours there around my job at FedEx. The changes thanks to this were immediately visible; I started to put weight on again, since I could now buy decent food and no longer needed to donate plasma. My attitude picked up as well, I actually was able to get into Christmas.
Now I still have a long way to go, I still want to find IT work. But I'm a long way from where I was.
November 14, 2004
I went on an unexpected, but not fully unplanned road trip yesterday.
My aunt, her friend and I had planned to go to visit my Brother, his Wife and their new Baby in Aliquippa, PA. Alas, my Brother's wife was not feeling well; it looked like I was gonna be stuck at home, maybe at least going up to visit my Aunt for lunch/dinner.
My aunt had a better idea, though, to head out to Washington DC. So at 5AM I got up, picked up batteries for my CD player and digital camera, and headed off to Lancaster PA. After a brief wait for her friend, we were off.
About two and a half hours later, with a stop for breakfast, we arrived in DC.
First stop, the National Museum of the American Indian. This newest addition to the Smithsonian complex is devoted to the preserving the history and culture of a people that we systematically eradicated and have left many of them trapped in utter despair. It was interesting to learn new facts, like how the Seminole tribe of Florida never signed a formal treaty with the US Government, and see how these proud people have still managed to survive and hold on to some inkling of thier culture.
From there, we split up. My aunts friend wished to see some other museums, but my Aunt and I wished to see the military monuments. A bit odd that someone like me so opposed to the current war would want to see memorials to soldiers. I think I do realize, at some level, that they died so I may have the right to dissent.
The new World War II memorial is well built. Basically a fountain ringed with pillars that represent each of the states and territories of the US at that time. I myself think that there should be a separate mini-monument to those Native Americans who chose to be warriors for the country that had so oppressed them. Also, the idea of people leaving stuff behind like, at the Vietnam Wall, seems to have begun.
The memorial to those killed in the forgotten Korean War seems to suggest an army advancing on an enemy. Very stark, very simple.
A case for the power of simplicity can be made for the Vietnam Veteran's Memorial. It looks like this sea of names, thousands of people, all of which who meant something to someone, listed. I can't help but think that this current war will need a memorial. Alas, this war may never end!
I do want to go back, I figure that once the novelty of NMAI wears off, things may be a bit slower. I want to see the Air and Space Museum, and see the Washington Monument.
I also may want to oddly enough see "Ground Zero", and when the Flight 93 memorial is done, see that.
December 27, 2004
Holidays at my house tend to be a bit--interesting. This Christmas was no exception.
For me the fun started the 23rd of this month. I got a card from an old college buddy and on a whim decided to see if I could use directory assistance to get a hold of him. The longshot worked and we spent a good 30 minutes catching up on each other.
The next day I was on my the road to home; with my computer-generated presents in tow. I left at about 8AM, and formally got "on the road" at 8:30. Making only a brief stop to grab a cup of coffee and an apple fritter, as well as a few quick stops to change up my book on tape, I arrived home at about 1:30PM.
And so the big day arrived. I was impressed at how well all my presents were received. I thought my younger sister who got the book of my poetry was going to cry. Of course, soon it looked like the entire family would be crying when my Aunt from Lancaster literally landed on our doorstep. She drove all morining to deliver us christmas goodies. My brother, his wife and their new baby arrived later and they too were impressed with my photo display. Later when my younger sister's twin arrived, fiance in tow, she was impressed with my Steelers collage.
My parents will be making good use of their box of photo albums, as they now have a way to keep all thier remotes straight, and my youngest sister sounds like my book I gave her on financial aid(the only present I really bought) will be making the rounds of the Senior class.
As for my take from all this, it's kinda thin for now. My one sister bought me Friday Night Lights, the book that the movie is based on, and a stuffed penguin that for now lives on my TV set. Her twin is in the same situation I'm in, a bit strapped for cash and plans on getting me a combined christmas/birthday gift.
Alas, I will not be getting my satellite radio. Al Fraken and crew will have to wait awhile longer to reach me. I will instead be getting the most recent version of the ageless Madden football franchise, a controller of some sort and perhaps some little gadget with my Circuit City gift card.
I also found myself having to read at Sunday church services. My dad was invited by my brother to attend the Steelers-Ravens football game. The Steelers did win, but at the cost of thier sensational rookie quarterback. Of course, since the victory wraps up home field and a first-round bye, it's not a big deal.
So I gotta say that this was a holiday for the books. All I need to do now is get the pictures edited.
May 1, 2005
I gotta get this out into the open a bit, as this hasn't happened to me in awhile.
I sat down tonight to watch my usual Sunday Evening (well when I don't need to work) programs. Well on of the programs concerned a guy who runs a kind of "Suicide Enabling" site and some bad memories came to the surface.
You see, I had a friend actually commit suicide. I also remember only finding out about it by reading his obituary in the local paper. I had wanted to go to the funeral, but overslept (I think my Mom intentionally forgot to wake me up).
I just cannot understand what force would get someone to believe that things could be so bad as to want to end one's life! I'll admit I've had inklings too. I even wrote a story that had someone trying.
I also feel a bit guilty about not doing more to help him. I saw the kid or his Dad almost every day at the grocery store I worked at. Had I had the nerve to get out and about a bit more maybe I'd have picked up on something being wrong and done something.
I just hope I don't find myself forever asking the question Why? ¶ 8:40 AM
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Welcome
Let me welcome you to a look into my own realm of possibility.
This site is basically about me and my quest to try and get back into the IT field.
I'll explain more about why I'm doing this site and how I got to this point later. ¶ 6:33 PM
Let me welcome you to a look into my own realm of possibility.
This site is basically about me and my quest to try and get back into the IT field.
I'll explain more about why I'm doing this site and how I got to this point later. ¶ 6:33 PM
